Do you have a little resentment in you? That little annoyance that keeps repeating and seemed so familiar?
That’s not a friend you want.
I’ve recently just had a situation. I chose being nice, agreeable and the aftermath was, after I left the location, I felt strangely angry.
I was okay back there but why this opposing feeling came up?
Having an entire off day to supposedly to be free and fun, I was fixated to this whole thing trying to find that splinter. To no avail, I came across Jordan Peterson’s video stating what just hits home for me.
2 possibilities of resentment that’s brewing inside is either a sign of
- You are not taking your own responsibilities and need to grow up.
- You need to face all that dissatisfaction that you’ve swept under the rug, suppressing or dismissing that feeling because it’s a negative feeling.
Time to be honest and it was hard. The honest truth was, the person I just met was extremely pushy. I didn’t get to state my preference. When she did asked me, I was completely dismissed where she counter it with different ideas that caters to her best interest not mine. I felt overall — unheard . Funny, how technically she did asked me if I had any differing preference. But, it didn’t felt that way?
Basically, to me the whole situation is like someone who is stuck on their ways and have already made up their mind NOT to consider yours but just asking you to ‘look’ fair where they didn’t give it a split second to consider after you have spoken and the counter solution came up right immediately.
My inner voice said “Well, she did ask. Too bad. Sometimes we don’t get everything we want in life.” That’s a lot of self-gas-lighting going on.
I was making excuses and even not considering myself at all but giving excuses to suppress and ignore it that the problem was me.
Oddly, the whole play seemed familiar.
What it resulted to was difficulty to sleep. Difficulty to even carry out any of my home chores with my day off. The entire day, that feeling kept pricking me, demanding for attention. When I came across the video, that gave me a HUGE CLUE that I was ignoring something that was important to me and my well-being.
I do believe that I’ve suppress something in me that might affect my health later if done too much over my lifetime and I’m not willing to accept that.
I’ve no idea what I want to do. But I know that I want to diffuse the toxin and reduce as much if not all of it out of my system.
Life is too precious. It’s meant for excitement to create what we want.
Taking the first step (very, very reluctantly), I let my shadow self take over and pointed out all the things that wasn’t even agreeable in the first place. It’s not mean. It’s just that necessary part of me minus the emotion to carry out what I SHOULD have done for me.
Because of letting too much of emotion in, it had muddled up what I should and shouldn’t take that’s good for myself and ended up hurting myself taking choices I don’t even want.
If you’ve ever did or say something that is against your personal value due to mass beliefs that doesn’t serves you any good but to look compliant, re-evaluate and don’t be afraid to break those rules if it means staying to your own values.
Not everyone will agree. Not everyone will go along. That’s okay. We are all made unique anyway. As long as it doesn’t cause harm to anyone, it’s completely fine.
